Here is what I am realizing: Most things in life require a great deal more commitment than I am apt to give. This blog is a great example. In theory I love being able to write down what I am thinking, share with friends and family and enable any curious friends from high shool who I haven’t talked to in five years to keep up with me. Well, I am not all that committed to maintaining this blog. Not sure if it is because I have nothing all that exciting to share (surely not) or that I just don’t give a rip about actually writing it down. But, this blog is the least of my problems - life takes commitment, and I am not confident enough that the relationship will pan out to risk much on it.
Here is the situation in more detail than you probably care for. My contract with World Vision got extended through September. That means October 1 I will be unemployed, meaning no paycheck and expensive rent. I wont even have alcohol money to forget all about it for a couple sentilating Saturday night hours. I have signed a lease contract through the end of October - that means a month to get myself together and find an income somehow. Well, I have an interview with an NGO that is offering me an unpaid internship through December - that means something to do with my time in October, but it will definitely not pay my bills, it will actually cost in transportation. I am taking the interview but really hoping that one of the 20 jobs I applied for calls me back. But that is a risky hand to play, no? What if nothing works out? Can I be committed enough to the possibility of success and the belief that I have that I was made for DC to hold me over? In the face of mounting debt and receding savings, I am so scared. I need a job, a job that gives me really good experience and an income. Or I take the unpaid internship part time and get a service sector job, which is just so unappealing.
Can I be committed to my own potential? It is such a risk and I am not a gambler.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Life between the trees
I heard a speaker at work the other day talking about how we all live life between two trees. Paradoxically, the first tree is the tree of death. This tree starts our journey; only after we know the taste and character of good and evil are we able to live with a mission in this world. That mission is reconciliation and it should consume us. The second is the tree of life, whose fruit we eat in all its sweetness only when our struggle here has ended. It is a beautiful image. It implies that we become progressively more alive as we get older, that age is not a sign of decay but only I sign of what is to come. I was encouraged, and that is saying a lot for such a disenchanted Christian.
I wanted to start this blog up again for obvious reasons. I have started a completely new life and I want to keep the interested updated, the curious satisfied, and the stalkers informed. In short: I have moved to Washington DC to work a summer job with World Vision International [http://www.wvi.org]. The first week of my job has been spectacular. I am honing my research skills and producing briefs on the dimensions of turbulent contexts around the world. My subject countries are Indonesia’s West Papua region, and Georgia. I have learned a lot this first week! My department exists to provide a critical analysis of the context in which World Vision administers aid and does development in the hopes that we are not supporting war or conflict, but rather enabling the local population to be peacemakers. We do not make peace, but we could help it along by not undermining it with our good intentions and misunderstandings.
Outside of work the transition to DC has had its moments. I must say that the adjustment has been harder than I anticipated. That isn’t saying much though, I had no time to anticipate anything at all. The last month I had in Seattle was a complete whirlwind of school, graduation, preparation, goodbyes, and packing. I had not time to think about how my whole life was going to change. So now that I am here I am experiencing the altogether dreadful feeling of shock. Maybe culture shock (which is ridiculous in light of all the traveling I have done and escaped it). I would say that my second week here was better than the first in terms of comfortability, optimism, and relaxation. Hopefully it keeps building…
This is all to say that I am living life between the trees. Equipped with the knowledge of good and evil, I am becoming more and more alive. I am excited about the proximate future and scared about the distant one. I have always been one to struggle through big questions, to fight every potential answer along the way and attempt to have some fun as well. I’d love it if you’d go on this journey with me.
I wanted to start this blog up again for obvious reasons. I have started a completely new life and I want to keep the interested updated, the curious satisfied, and the stalkers informed. In short: I have moved to Washington DC to work a summer job with World Vision International [http://www.wvi.org]. The first week of my job has been spectacular. I am honing my research skills and producing briefs on the dimensions of turbulent contexts around the world. My subject countries are Indonesia’s West Papua region, and Georgia. I have learned a lot this first week! My department exists to provide a critical analysis of the context in which World Vision administers aid and does development in the hopes that we are not supporting war or conflict, but rather enabling the local population to be peacemakers. We do not make peace, but we could help it along by not undermining it with our good intentions and misunderstandings.
Outside of work the transition to DC has had its moments. I must say that the adjustment has been harder than I anticipated. That isn’t saying much though, I had no time to anticipate anything at all. The last month I had in Seattle was a complete whirlwind of school, graduation, preparation, goodbyes, and packing. I had not time to think about how my whole life was going to change. So now that I am here I am experiencing the altogether dreadful feeling of shock. Maybe culture shock (which is ridiculous in light of all the traveling I have done and escaped it). I would say that my second week here was better than the first in terms of comfortability, optimism, and relaxation. Hopefully it keeps building…
This is all to say that I am living life between the trees. Equipped with the knowledge of good and evil, I am becoming more and more alive. I am excited about the proximate future and scared about the distant one. I have always been one to struggle through big questions, to fight every potential answer along the way and attempt to have some fun as well. I’d love it if you’d go on this journey with me.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Pictures from Syria
and the reason why there is a picture of a guy's face (Brian) is because I swear he looks like my dad a few years back....take a look.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Dumbfounded
Sorry for the silence on Israel/Palestine. I keep waiting for a good time to write, when I feel inspired and witty, but it hasn't come yet and I dont think it is around the corner, so all I can do is relate what is real.
Things here are so different than anywhere else in the world. Last summer in Bethlehem was difficult even though I had learned and studied a lot before I went. It is even more difficult this time around. I know more, am aware of contextual issues and regional complexities, and I am also really attached to the people here because of last summer. It has been a whirlwind of emotions. I have very much appreciated getting the Israeli side of the issue (through very key speakers and Synagogue and Shabat dinner with an Orthodox Israeli family) but it has not enabled me to see the justice in Palestine. My sympathy for Israelis is real, but in light of what is on the other side of the wall, I really have a hard time spending emotional energy on their plight. I am trying to fix it, I promise. My emotions have been a story unto themselves. Right now, this issue is the only thing that gets me fired up.
Yesterday I got to make the grand and triumphant return to Bethlehem and Beit Sahour. I got to see some of the people I worked with last summer and I got to hang out with my host brother, Iyad. It was really good to see everyone and catch up, remember why I love Palestine so much. But the day was long and trying. The wall is a reality that will never be anything less than shocking and devastating. 8meter high walls surrounded and cutting into the little town of Bethlehem is too much to handle. We met with a leader of Fatah, th much criticized (perhaps rightly so) leadership of the West Bank. We moved on to an appointment at Badil, a legal center for refugee rights. The meeting was overwhelming, so much information, many ugly realities and a sense of impossibility prevailed. Next, we moved to a refugee camp to hear more about the plight of Palestinian refugees. My heart is very heavy after all of this. I have invested so much time, energy, tuition money, and emotion in this cause, but still, it is shocking, upsetting, and mostly pisses me off. Yikes.
On the other hand, emotions aside, I am fighting with myself about the role of the U.S. in all of this. It really is my primary interest area, and what keeps me at least a little sane in this situation. Tomorrow, the whole group meets with an Israeli foreign service officer and then a political analyst from the U.S. Embassy...a very foreign policy oriented day. I am really looking forward to ditching the emotions and hashing out the facts, the necessary changes, and the nitty gritty of hard questions.
Overall, being here has been really great. I am happy and mostly healthy. I don't love it any less than the last time and I am learning so much that I am having a hard time processing it all. Life is good; difficult but good. It leaves me confused in that way: happy to be here, deflated by the realities of it all.
Things here are so different than anywhere else in the world. Last summer in Bethlehem was difficult even though I had learned and studied a lot before I went. It is even more difficult this time around. I know more, am aware of contextual issues and regional complexities, and I am also really attached to the people here because of last summer. It has been a whirlwind of emotions. I have very much appreciated getting the Israeli side of the issue (through very key speakers and Synagogue and Shabat dinner with an Orthodox Israeli family) but it has not enabled me to see the justice in Palestine. My sympathy for Israelis is real, but in light of what is on the other side of the wall, I really have a hard time spending emotional energy on their plight. I am trying to fix it, I promise. My emotions have been a story unto themselves. Right now, this issue is the only thing that gets me fired up.
Yesterday I got to make the grand and triumphant return to Bethlehem and Beit Sahour. I got to see some of the people I worked with last summer and I got to hang out with my host brother, Iyad. It was really good to see everyone and catch up, remember why I love Palestine so much. But the day was long and trying. The wall is a reality that will never be anything less than shocking and devastating. 8meter high walls surrounded and cutting into the little town of Bethlehem is too much to handle. We met with a leader of Fatah, th much criticized (perhaps rightly so) leadership of the West Bank. We moved on to an appointment at Badil, a legal center for refugee rights. The meeting was overwhelming, so much information, many ugly realities and a sense of impossibility prevailed. Next, we moved to a refugee camp to hear more about the plight of Palestinian refugees. My heart is very heavy after all of this. I have invested so much time, energy, tuition money, and emotion in this cause, but still, it is shocking, upsetting, and mostly pisses me off. Yikes.
On the other hand, emotions aside, I am fighting with myself about the role of the U.S. in all of this. It really is my primary interest area, and what keeps me at least a little sane in this situation. Tomorrow, the whole group meets with an Israeli foreign service officer and then a political analyst from the U.S. Embassy...a very foreign policy oriented day. I am really looking forward to ditching the emotions and hashing out the facts, the necessary changes, and the nitty gritty of hard questions.
Overall, being here has been really great. I am happy and mostly healthy. I don't love it any less than the last time and I am learning so much that I am having a hard time processing it all. Life is good; difficult but good. It leaves me confused in that way: happy to be here, deflated by the realities of it all.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Whirlwind Times
I made it safely to Jerusalem yesterday. Things got kicked off quickly here with a tour of the Old City, and a night spent wandering around the shops and tourist attractions. Today we spoke to a pastor at Christ Church about the Jewish roots of Christian faith and then spoke with a representative of B'Tselem, the leading Israeli human rights organization. Both were very powerful and I am happy to be back in Israel/Palestine. My heart is so joyful, overwhelmed, saddened by the reality here, and excited to learn more. I know I need to update everyone on the previous two countries of residence, so here it goes:
1. Syria: My Syria experience has really convinced me that I will live there one day. It is a fantastic country with fantastic people, and most importantly fantastic prices. I bought some DVDs for about .75 cents, so good. Don't get too excited, friends, they are all Disney movies in Arabic to help me practice. the biggest problem in Syria is that no one is allowed to talk about politics out of fear of the secret police, called the Mukhabarat. They are not good news, and everyone is hush hush about criticizing the President/King man. It is really problematic for my love of debating politics and pissing people off. But what Syria lacked in politics it made up for in food. This is a food journal...
It started at a little place I like to call the Krak de Chevalier: the coolest crusader castle of all time. We explored for a long time, which included going into dark secret tunnels, spitting down the cracks over doorways, which the crusdaders typically used to pour hot oil on the people storming the castle, and then of course, I mumbled about a few of the castle walls and towers. After that I was sufficiently hungry. The restaurant at the Krak is inconceivable. First, the very Syrian own is very gay, complete with French tipped nails and overly sculpted eyebrows. But the man really knows his chicken. But before that, we all enjoyed a large amount of random "salads" which are appetizers that require pita to eat. All delicious, but OH THE CHICKEN. Barbequed, then smothered in butter garlic sauce. Nothing like it.
After that the grou loaded the bus and headed to Maloula, a small Syrian town which speaks perfect Aramaic, the language of Jesus. We saw a few holy sites and heard the Lord's prayer in Aramaic (really beautiful), and then headed to Damascus for three nights. Damascus rocks. The old city is beautiful and clean, it is easy to navigate and full of little treasures. I want to live there and make friends with the great shopkeepers. I could survive off of lemon ice drinks and cheap chicken sandwiches. Life would be perfect. Then came the lecture at the U.S. embassy in Syria. This only reconfirmed my need to Syrian-ness. The man who spoke to us was intelligent, well informed, fairly critical of the U.S., and his breadth of Middle East experience had me salivating. I will definitely pursue this path further. We additionally met with a couple working with the Mennonite Central community and ate our way through the city. Syria has fantastic ice cream: a prefer the "Best Ice cream" shop to the "Oldest ice cream" shop. Definitely. There are also very fresh chocolate croissants and delicious amounts of freshly squeezed juice. I left Syria unwillingly, but I was excited to move on to:
2. Jordan: Not the best country in the world, but it featured some great things. A very briwf visit of two nights left us a little confused about Jordanian food (we actually got lunch from Safeway-the real thing- twice and ate breakfast and dinner at the hotel). But we did hear from a professor about trends in Jordanian society, which turned out to be the typical "it all comes down to the Palestinian-Israeli conflict" speech. But it was insightful. The best part was that I got to hook up with an old friend I spent some time with in Palestine last summer, Julia. She came with the group to the Dead Sea for the rest of the day, and we got to spend time catching up and encouraging one another. LOVE HER. It was good to get some new energy and find equal amounts of passion in someone. We left Jordan for the border the next morning...
Now I am sitting in the Austrian Hospice in the Old City, on the path of the Via Dolorosa. What can be better??????
1. Syria: My Syria experience has really convinced me that I will live there one day. It is a fantastic country with fantastic people, and most importantly fantastic prices. I bought some DVDs for about .75 cents, so good. Don't get too excited, friends, they are all Disney movies in Arabic to help me practice. the biggest problem in Syria is that no one is allowed to talk about politics out of fear of the secret police, called the Mukhabarat. They are not good news, and everyone is hush hush about criticizing the President/King man. It is really problematic for my love of debating politics and pissing people off. But what Syria lacked in politics it made up for in food. This is a food journal...
It started at a little place I like to call the Krak de Chevalier: the coolest crusader castle of all time. We explored for a long time, which included going into dark secret tunnels, spitting down the cracks over doorways, which the crusdaders typically used to pour hot oil on the people storming the castle, and then of course, I mumbled about a few of the castle walls and towers. After that I was sufficiently hungry. The restaurant at the Krak is inconceivable. First, the very Syrian own is very gay, complete with French tipped nails and overly sculpted eyebrows. But the man really knows his chicken. But before that, we all enjoyed a large amount of random "salads" which are appetizers that require pita to eat. All delicious, but OH THE CHICKEN. Barbequed, then smothered in butter garlic sauce. Nothing like it.
After that the grou loaded the bus and headed to Maloula, a small Syrian town which speaks perfect Aramaic, the language of Jesus. We saw a few holy sites and heard the Lord's prayer in Aramaic (really beautiful), and then headed to Damascus for three nights. Damascus rocks. The old city is beautiful and clean, it is easy to navigate and full of little treasures. I want to live there and make friends with the great shopkeepers. I could survive off of lemon ice drinks and cheap chicken sandwiches. Life would be perfect. Then came the lecture at the U.S. embassy in Syria. This only reconfirmed my need to Syrian-ness. The man who spoke to us was intelligent, well informed, fairly critical of the U.S., and his breadth of Middle East experience had me salivating. I will definitely pursue this path further. We additionally met with a couple working with the Mennonite Central community and ate our way through the city. Syria has fantastic ice cream: a prefer the "Best Ice cream" shop to the "Oldest ice cream" shop. Definitely. There are also very fresh chocolate croissants and delicious amounts of freshly squeezed juice. I left Syria unwillingly, but I was excited to move on to:
2. Jordan: Not the best country in the world, but it featured some great things. A very briwf visit of two nights left us a little confused about Jordanian food (we actually got lunch from Safeway-the real thing- twice and ate breakfast and dinner at the hotel). But we did hear from a professor about trends in Jordanian society, which turned out to be the typical "it all comes down to the Palestinian-Israeli conflict" speech. But it was insightful. The best part was that I got to hook up with an old friend I spent some time with in Palestine last summer, Julia. She came with the group to the Dead Sea for the rest of the day, and we got to spend time catching up and encouraging one another. LOVE HER. It was good to get some new energy and find equal amounts of passion in someone. We left Jordan for the border the next morning...
Now I am sitting in the Austrian Hospice in the Old City, on the path of the Via Dolorosa. What can be better??????
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The Road to Damascus
I leave for Syria tonight (a plane ride to the Turkey-Syria border and then a long bus ride over the border)...but Syria has little to no internet access...only through internet cafes, so it is unlikely that I will post much for the next week. I wanted to leave an overview of what is upcoming in my life:
As I said earlier, I leave for Syria soon. Tonight the group will arrive in Hama, the third largest Syrian city pre-1982. In that year a huge fight broke out between the central government in Damascus and the local Muslim Brotherhood members who were fighting against the corruption and opression. So the president, Assad, decided to deploy the military to Hama and eventually, the whole entire town was leveled. Not one building escaped unscathed. So, we are staying one night in Hama, and then moving on to a crusader castle which is known to fulfill every little girl's fairytale fantasy....I am pretty pumped, it is called the Krak de Chevaliers. That is on the road to Damascus, where we will be staying for three more nights, exploring the Old City, going to a traditional bath house, and enjoying the Syrian culture. Our main events are a visit to the U.S. Embassy in Damascus, and a lecture from an American couple who have lived in Syria for five years. They are alums of the program I am on, and they are working with the Mennonite Central Committee. Syria is a little bit lighter on the "work" side of life, but that is highly refelctive of the fact that people there are not allowed to talk about government and/or politics. The government is authoritarian and controversial. All that means is that we will be doing a lot of reading about Syria.
After that, I hope to have a little more internet usage, because we leave for Jordan sometime in the latter part of next week (dates are hazy at this point)...but that is a rough overview of the next week...reflections will come later (insha'allah)...peace and love.
1 country down, 3 to go.
As I said earlier, I leave for Syria soon. Tonight the group will arrive in Hama, the third largest Syrian city pre-1982. In that year a huge fight broke out between the central government in Damascus and the local Muslim Brotherhood members who were fighting against the corruption and opression. So the president, Assad, decided to deploy the military to Hama and eventually, the whole entire town was leveled. Not one building escaped unscathed. So, we are staying one night in Hama, and then moving on to a crusader castle which is known to fulfill every little girl's fairytale fantasy....I am pretty pumped, it is called the Krak de Chevaliers. That is on the road to Damascus, where we will be staying for three more nights, exploring the Old City, going to a traditional bath house, and enjoying the Syrian culture. Our main events are a visit to the U.S. Embassy in Damascus, and a lecture from an American couple who have lived in Syria for five years. They are alums of the program I am on, and they are working with the Mennonite Central Committee. Syria is a little bit lighter on the "work" side of life, but that is highly refelctive of the fact that people there are not allowed to talk about government and/or politics. The government is authoritarian and controversial. All that means is that we will be doing a lot of reading about Syria.
After that, I hope to have a little more internet usage, because we leave for Jordan sometime in the latter part of next week (dates are hazy at this point)...but that is a rough overview of the next week...reflections will come later (insha'allah)...peace and love.
1 country down, 3 to go.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Europe to Asia and Back Again. and there again
Istanbul continues to win my heart. Meeting with the US Consulate was spectacular, and really reaffirmed the fact that I want to work for the government and be intensely involved in Middle Eastern policy. Yesterday we toured the AyaSofya, which is absolutely magnificent, and then went to the Blue Mosque, then the Grand Bazaar (google image all of these, so you can know just how impressive it all is!). Additionally, the weather was terrible. It was raining hard all day long, but we walked all day and got soaked. Definitely did not bring enough warm gear with me. We had a free day today, so I went to a ex-pat church in the morning and then took a ferry with three friends to the Asian side of Istanbul. It was really great to cruise across the Bosporus and then explore on foot an new town. We walked around, got some great food, and had a blast looking at everything around us....Istanbul is beautiful!
Well, the post is going to be short because there are 202 pictures in the slideshow below....sorry, but I didn't have time to edit them down or add captions. But Istanbul photographs well, so have a look.
Tomorrow we go to a university to meet students and attend class, then it is on to Ankara; the Turkish capital and site of a huge shrine to Ataturk. Only 5 days left in Turkey!
Well, the post is going to be short because there are 202 pictures in the slideshow below....sorry, but I didn't have time to edit them down or add captions. But Istanbul photographs well, so have a look.
Tomorrow we go to a university to meet students and attend class, then it is on to Ankara; the Turkish capital and site of a huge shrine to Ataturk. Only 5 days left in Turkey!
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