Risky Business

Here is what I am realizing: Most things in life require a great deal more commitment than I am apt to give. This blog is a great example. In theory I love being able to write down what I am thinking, share with friends and family and enable any curious friends from high shool who I haven’t talked to in five years to keep up with me. Well, I am not all that committed to maintaining this blog. Not sure if it is because I have nothing all that exciting to share (surely not) or that I just don’t give a rip about actually writing it down. But, this blog is the least of my problems - life takes commitment, and I am not confident enough that the relationship will pan out to risk much on it.

Here is the situation in more detail than you probably care for. My contract with World Vision got extended through September. That means October 1 I will be unemployed, meaning no paycheck and expensive rent. I wont even have alcohol money to forget all about it for a couple sentilating Saturday night hours. I have signed a lease contract through the end of October - that means a month to get myself together and find an income somehow. Well, I have an interview with an NGO that is offering me an unpaid internship through December - that means something to do with my time in October, but it will definitely not pay my bills, it will actually cost in transportation. I am taking the interview but really hoping that one of the 20 jobs I applied for calls me back. But that is a risky hand to play, no? What if nothing works out? Can I be committed enough to the possibility of success and the belief that I have that I was made for DC to hold me over? In the face of mounting debt and receding savings, I am so scared. I need a job, a job that gives me really good experience and an income. Or I take the unpaid internship part time and get a service sector job, which is just so unappealing.

Can I be committed to my own potential? It is such a risk and I am not a gambler.